dancing in the lyrical, in my own lyrics

looking inward from an outward perspective of myself led me to the clear truth of wanting to create family. the 5 rhythms teacher first asked us to briefly share with out dance compadre, something that is 'up' for us. i shared that i was wanting more harmony and productive communication with my sweetie instead of the occasional conflict and stubbornness that we experience. i also mentioned that i've had babies on the brain and am realizing that i would like to have children in the next couple/few years.

then the teacher said take a step back from that for a wider perspective and what came to me was 'soul-full union' which also included the awareness of a baby. both things seem rather inter-connected as soul-full union is a common stream connecting two partners and the creation of a new life.

from an even wider perspective, the truth was family. and i finally saw myself and gained a little acceptance for the okay-ness of wanting to be a person who has a family. i can see where my judgment has been that having and raising a family is so 'normal' or 'regular.' many people are doing it. definitely, at least a half a dozen of my friends and close acquaintances are doing it. somehow i have viewed myself as an 'other' or one who is not the norm and the norm has children, a house, and a family. and one beauty of this is there are no voices of pressure from my parents or friends. just a calling, like why i moved to oregon, of what path i am to follow.

lately, though, more and more i am listening into my heart and my heart desires a family with my sweetie. he and i still need to discuss the particulars, to great length, i imagine. and i tell you, i'm in no great hurry. i did really think that perhaps i'd be one of those women who would never have children (adopted or of my own). kind of like when i thought i'd never be a teacher again. i have a new, inspiring teaching position at a charter school and will be starting a graduate program to obtain my regular education teaching license (in addition to my special education teaching license).

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seems like part of the lesson is learning how to walk staight foward on a curvy path. in the shadows or just beyond the overlook, are landscapes that i may never have considered. or have considered and shelved, for awhile. what's right in this moment may change. and that is okay. that is what is fluid. that's human life in the human classroom of learning.

and as for dancing the 5 rhythms, i feel a deeper sense of satisfaction. i've been using a deep breathing technique that helps me drop quickly into my dance. i am more in my body. my mind-chatter is quiet. my body, my spirit are dancing my bones and muscles. not a choreographer sitting on my shoulder. i can feel the tangibility of the shift in my dance. the presence of the moment. the present moment.

what will unfold tomorrow? i'll have to wait until then to find out!