Fill each other's cup...

...but drink not from one cup.

ahhh, the wise words of kahlil gibran. after speaking with a dear, wise friend, i realize that i've been drinking from the cup of my sweetie. sure, we're married, this can be appropriate. yet, what about my cup? i think it might still be in the dish drying rack.

i want to focus on remembering to drink from my cup, more often. i know i do this. i have many interests, hobbies, activities and friends that are my own. yet, i notice i have been working through the role of being married. what does it all mean, really? how do i balance all my inner workings within a marriage, within a career as an educator, within the realm of being a bodacious wild woman and free spirit on the path.

hmmm...

yet, when we have those heated discussions that sometimes get dizzy and during when, we both can get defensive and stubborn (scorpion vs. ram), i shall try to hold on to myself instead of meddling with the cup of my sweetie. metaphorically this all makes sense to me.

and so does the fact that i have a habit of wanting and enforcing that i am right. i'm getting, bit by bit, to more of a place of understanding that agreeing isn't the necessary goal. it's about being heard and hearing the other. understanding but not necessarily agreeing. in any situation, i have my perspective and he has his. sometimes we're close in perception. sometimes, we are not. at all.

this is where the compassion for each other and self is the fertile soil where the love and friendship can grow.

my friend re-recommended the book, _Passionate Marriage_ by David Schnarch. the author discusses differentiation and noticing when a bit too much blending/fusing is happening in a couple-ship. chapter 2's title is differentiation: developing a self-in-relation. schnarch describes that "Differentiation involves balancing two basic life forces: the drive for individuality and the drive for togetherness."

my friend also offered the idea that there are really three entities in a marriage: me, you, us. and all three need balance, nurturing, space and attention.

deeply i breathe into my belly to remember these things. i know that my sweets and i will strengthen our skills and abilities during those inevitable conflict times. i'm thankful for the reminder of this book. i'd purchased it years ago before i was married. it holds important learning for anyone, whether in a relationship with another or with your own self.

be well and love deeply. noticing the murmurrings in your heart and heed them wildly.


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On Love by Kahlil Gibran

Love one another, but make not a bond of love
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous,
but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone
though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping;
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together yet not too near together;
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.